Let Me Love You
by XxHeartlessKissxX
Summary: Matt and Mello, beautiful creatures that they are,  have been joined at the hip their entire life, they know each other inside and out...or do they? short updates. Yaoi MelloXMattXMello
1. Through My eyes

**A/N:** This is a series of drabbles that may or may not be connected it is MelloXMattXMello and is here to clear out the little plot bunnies that are in my head and need to be thrown out before I can finish my current stories, the update for W.A.H.N.T.H.A.C is on it's way...just..a little more patience I'll try to have it up..tonight.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own it, have never owned it, and will never own it.

**Warnings:** Swearing(duh), drug use, possible suicide, ect. for the entirety of this. Yaoi will be here but no lemons(i think)

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><p>Through My Eyes<p>

~Mail~

Soft pale skin, slow breaths, soft lips, blonde locks spread across my pillow, lashes just a shade darker casting curved shadows over his cheeks hiding the sapphire orbs that were so often ignited in fury or passion. He was beautiful and prerfect and everything I'd ever wanted and could never have.

He was Mello.

I sighed and gently tugged off his boots and slipped his vest off, careful not to wake him as I folded the leather neatly and put it to the side, touching his shoulders lightly and smiling faintly.

His pants were next and I was gently in sliding them over his hips, freezing when he stirred, but eventually I got them off and forced myself not to just sit and stare at his naked perfection, slipping a pair of lose sleep pants on him and pull my blanket around him.

He was so tired he hadn't noticed whose bed he'd stumbled into and so I sighed and brushed my lips against his hair, as close as I'd ever get to a real kiss, turning and heading to the living room to curl up on the couch because I wouldn't dare lay in his bed.

Staring at the blank wall, tracing the cracks in the plaster I felt the familiar hopeless emptiness in my chest, pain pulsing slowly through my, a tingling burn in my fingers and up my arms.

I gripped the couch slowly, blankly, old cuts decorated most of my body, but I couldn't add to them, Mello could wake any moment and he'd be pissed if he knew what I was doing to myself.

I hated this feeling, hated that i had to make myself bleed to deal with it, but Mello was like an angel, a fiery beautiful avenging angel, that had fallen to earth and I was Matt, lowest of the low, Matt who shouldn't have ever even been worthy of the angels notice.

His light, his beauty shone so bright I could hardly stand it and I was dank, pointless, dull, next to him i was nothing, I could never hope to have him like I wanted him, like so many had wanted him. I would never dare to soil that bright beautiful light.

I swore loudly, looking down at my arm, in my thoughts I'd scratched into my skin and blood was dripping slowly down my arm, I pressed my sleeve against it, biting my lip hard and not realizing an angel was watching me with glistening tears rolling down his cheeks slowly.


	2. Red

**A/N:** yeah, double update today because My thoughts refuse to leave me alone while I'm trying to write, this is part of the first one I guess...

**Disclaimer:** My Mattie said to tell you that I own nothing.

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><p>Red<p>

~Miheal~

Red had always been Matt's color, his hair was like fire, prefect against his skin pale, slightly freckled and so touchable. I took a deep breath watching more blood dripping to the floor, staining the tile that same color and I felt so broken.

"Mattie?" My own voice was hoarse, I never ever cried, but I could see marks, scars, tracing his arms, standing out in the light as he tried to stop the small scratch from bleeding and I was still so exhausted.

He jumped and turned to face me, blood draining from his face, "Mels..." He licked his lips, eyes flickering behind his goggles and I realized he was worried that I'd be angry. I didn't know if I was or not as I came closer to him and took his hand, kissing the scars gently and looking up at him.

Matt's eyes were huge behind the goggles as he looked at me, shock written across his features as he tried to pull his arm away from me, "Mel don't..."

I reached up and pulled off the orange-tinted covers and looked at him seriously, he couldn't lie to me now, not looking into my eyes with his bright emerald orbs, my fingers still against his cheek forcing him to look at me.

His lips parted and he licked them again, shaking his head slowly, "Mello, it's not important, just a scratch, you can let me go." I looked at his arm and then at him and yeah, I realized, I was angry.

I dropped his arm, "Get your shit together or leave. I won't have you trying to work on the case if you're compromised." He nodded slowly looking down at the blood and biting his lip, "Mel...you won't leave me again?"

That one broken sounding sentence made me ache for the friend I left behind and I forced him to look at me again, my face was hard.

"Mail Jeevas, you damn well know how I feel about that, I'll make you go somewhere else if you keep hurting yourself because I want you safe, but I will never ever leave you again." I looked into his eyes, blue meeting green.

He shivered and something in his face made me feel strange as he nodded against my hand, "Okay Mello..." He blinked slowly and turned, gently, exaggeratedly hesitant and very deliberately kissed my palm.

His lips were warm, instead of pulling away and slapping him for being an idiot like I normally would've I simply stayed still, watching him, his eyes were closed and he seemed to be breathing in deeply, it was almost cliche and yet somehow oddly sweet.

"Mattie?" I asked quietly, confused. He broke the contact and turned that beautiful gaze on me.

My breath caught, he looked so serious, his face set in determined lines, that red fire falling into his eyes and his inner spark, the one that so rarely showed anymore, buried behind this hopelessly submissive person he'd become since I'd left Wammy's, was burning in his eyes.

"I love you Miheal."

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><p><strong>AN**: So yeah...this is going to be odd thoughts obviously, but do me a favor? Review anyways and let me know what you think, or if there's little pieces you want me to use in my/turn into full blown stories yeah?


	3. Poisonous

**A/N:** What another drabble? Oh yes...It's just so easy to write them..maybe I should shorten my story chapters so i update faster...what do you think?

**Disclaimer: **It's been less than 24 hours..what do you think?

**Music: **_P.S I Hate You_-**Boy Talks Trash**

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><p><strong>Poisonous<strong>

**~Mail~**

So many times I had dreamed of telling him those words, they'd somehow come out now, I meant to apologize, to tell him I wouldn't ever bleed again if that's what it took, to be his dog and instead I'd apparently lost my mind.

His expression wasn't what I thought it would be, warm and surprised, but not upset..not at all. I shivered suddenly, "Mel-lo?"

He smiled, fully, truly smiled, and pushed his fingers through my hair, running the strands through them and chuckling softly to himself. To be fully honest it kind of scared me, Mello wasn't usually like this.

"Well shit Mattie, I thought you knew...I've always loved you." He grinned and kissed my forehead, leaving me staring at his chest uncomprehendingly.

"What?" I finally gasped, looking at him, "but...but you can't!" I cried, suddenly desperate for him to take back those words, to say he didn't love me. I wanted him to, oh god did I want him to, but he couldn't.

His gaze shifted, darkened, "Are you saying I don't know how to love?" I swallowed hard and shook my head, terrified that he would just get angrier if I explained.

"Matt, you'd better explain then, because from where I stand it looks like you're trying to pull shit." He looked almost hurt...but mostly pissed.

I shuddered and leaned back from his touch, looking at him with a brooding expression as he waited patiently, "Mel...you shouldn't love me...I'm just..Matt."

I shifted uncomfortable and his eyes narrowed, "Spit it out Matt." his voice was harsh, but there was still that pain and uncertainty in his eyes and it made me guilty I had caused it.

"Well...it's like this...you're this amazing, beautitful ball of fire that came from some place..heaven maybe, like a bright streak of light and I'm like...the ant you stepped on this morning and smeared across some grass." I shrugged, it tore me in half to tell him this because once he heard it he'd realize how true it was and I'd lose any chance I ever had of being with him.

"You're an angel Mel, even if you don't see it, I do...I'm like poison a slow killer. If you get to close I'll drain you of your light because no one as perfect or absolutely brilliant as you should ever even notice someone as useless as me."

My voice was kind, trying to help him understand, but I knew I had to get out of there...fast. I looked around wildly for some excuse to leave and then back at the one I loved most.

He was just staring at me uncomprehendingly so I sighed and stood up, gently moving him back to walk toward the door, "You're almost out of chocolate..."


	4. Chalk Outlines

**A/N: **Well enjoy another creative outlet...on a very crappy day :/ good luck.

**Disclaimer: **It's still Ohba and Obata's property...*Kasigh*

**Music:** _Uneasy Hearts Way the Most_- **Dance Gavin Dance**

**Warnings: **Ish a bit...racy? yeah that's the word this time...

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><p>Chalk Outlines<p>

**~Miheal~**

He thought he was pointless, that I was better than him and now he was just going to pretend nothing happened? Fuck no.

I reached the door before him, finally realizing that I was somehow not in my leather anymore, banishing thoughts of him stripping me in my sleep and focusing. "Matt stop."

He froze and then gave me a lopsided smile, "Mel, c'mon, you know how you get without chocolate." He tried to move past me but I caught his arm.

"Matt...you're not useless...I'd fall apart without you. Mattie..I need you." I swallowed hard, not good at this shit and his blank expression wasn't helping, despite the soft green eyes looking at me.

He bit his lip and seemed to reach the end of some leash he'd put himself on, grabbing me suddenly and roughly and kissing me hard, I let go and returned the rough kiss. Matt was the only person who I could give myself to this way, who could make me forget everything and just be.

The kiss became rougher and Matt pressed me against the door, his tongue was pressed into my mouth, the taste of cigarettes and energy drink filling my mouth. His tongue rubbed against mine and I tugged it gently as his hands cupped my face, I could practically feel my lips bruising as our teeth scraped, his tongue beating mine into submission and ravaging my mouth, leaving me barely able to think.

I groaned softly, and finally he pulled away and just stood there, forehead leaned against mine, eyes closed, breathing hard.

"Miheal...without you I'm nothing but a chalk outline." His voice was soft as he opened his eyes slowly and I looked back at him, breathing heavily and tasting him on my tongue still.

"Mail..." I was shaking and I didn't understand it, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me hard again, holding me curved against him and running his hands down my back slowly. I understood in that moment what I needed from him, why I'd been staying awake just to have time with him between working.

When my back hit my bed I didn't even question how we made it to my room, the only thought in my mind was how much I loved him.

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><p><strong>AN: **if you want a descriptive Lemon review for it...and I'll add one if i get at least three requests. Please note that rating will have to go up for it :3


	5. Take Me Away

**Disclaimer: **Death Note is property of gods. Yep gods. I'm just a lowly slut :3

**A/N: **No lectures for how long this took, My schedule got slammed and I had NO TIME.

Also this is a lemon (GAY SEX) so yeaaah. Rating ish M now for a REASON.

**Warnings: LEMON! **

**Music: **_Losing it-_**NeverShoutNever**

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><p>Take Me Away<p>

**~Mail~**

My hands were shaking as I kissed him over and over, his body laying warmly beneath mine, my heart was pounding, I never thought we'd get this far together.

Blonde hair spread out underneath him as his hands roamed my body hungrily.

My finger's trailed down his body to slide my hands into the tops of his sleep-pants, feeling his shiver as I pulled them down slowly, letting the cloth drag over his skin before flicking them away.

He pulled my goggles off, setting them aside and cupping my cheeks, blue eyes, like burning ice, boring into my own green ones before he kissed me again. I sighed against his lips at the gentle pressure of his lips and he slipped his tongue in my mouth, playfully flicking mine, his hands busily removing my clothes, piece by piece.

I moaned softly, the kiss was soft and sweet, so different from the rough one before and I was struggling to stay in control, I wanted to take him so badly.

Finally Mello broke away from me and we looked at one another for a long moment, eyes raking over one another, my cheeks heating slightly as my gaze trailed down to his manhood.

After a moment Mello spoke softly, "Mail?" a quiet askance, I understood, he was as nervous as I was.

"Mihael." I said simply, re-assuring him as I claimed his lips in another kiss, stroking his erection tortuously slow before kissing down his chest and licking the tip uncertainly, gaining confidence as I seen his eyes widen.

I took him in my mouth slowly, sucking softly, then hard, licking the sensitive place under the head and moaning around him, his hands fisted in my hair and I could hear him panting loudly.

I let my teeth scrape the sensitive flesh, swallowing around him at the same time and he tugged, hips lifting, "S-shit." He hissed

I pulled away, releasing him with a pop and smiling up at him, he gave me a sultry glare in return, clearly not happy about me stopping. I pressed my finger's against his lips, knowing that I would need some kind of lube, he understood this, taking them in his mouth and making me moan as he coated them in spit.

I pulled them away after a few moments, taking him in my mouth again and slowly prepping him, stretching him as much as I could, curling my finger in the right place almost entirely on accident and he moaned loudly, "More!"

Deeming him ready I sat back up and settled between his legs, looking into his eyes once more, stroking his cheek, I pressed forward into him slowly, biting my lip hard.

Mello whimpered and twisted under me, "Ah, S-stop..Mail it hurts…Ahn." I kissed him softly, pausing for a moment, "I know love, I know." That answered my question at least, Mello had never done this before, bottomed that is, I knew he'd slept around plenty before me though.

He blinked slowly and then nodded, I tried to be gentle as I slid the rest of the way into his body, stopping again and kissing his face to try and make it better.

A roll of his hips let me know he was ready and I ran a finger over the place where his scar and un-marked skin met, receiving a shudder, as I pulled back slowly and moved forward again, keeping it gentle.

He moaned softly as I began to speed up and his legs wound around my waist, our bodies tangling together as he pushed himself up more, pushing his hips to meet my thrusts.

Strands of red blurred my vision as I groaned loudly, Mello's eyes fluttered and I shifted slightly before slamming into him. His blue eyes shot open and he screamed aloud, making me smirk as I aimed for the same place again, drawing out a long, "Maaail."

We were both panting as I slammed into him hard and fast, his head thrown back as he met my movements, the room was filled with harsh slapping sounds and our moans.

I slowed slightly and reached between us to fondle him, making him cry out as I leaned forward to nip his throat, never ceasing my movements. Mello's body clenched around my cock and he screamed again, a beautiful sound, as he came all over our chests, his screaming quieting until he was panting my name.

I managed to thrust a couple more times, sinking deep into his body before I came hard, filling him with my seed, "Mihael…Oh…god." I moaned louder than ever and collapsed against him, both of us shaking slightly.

He kissed me again and I pulled out of him slowly, pulling him against me, too happy to bother asking all the questions, to have the conversation we both knew was coming as he buried his face in my shoulder and made a happy little noise.

"Love you Mihael."

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><p><strong>AN:** Is it sad that the longest chapter is entirely sex? Probably….Review?


	6. Realizations

**Disclaimer: **The only thing I own is a copy of Black Edition volume 6 thanks :3 Oh and L change the World. OH and Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder case…OH AND Volume 13-how to read.

**A/N:** WHOOOT finally had the time to get this up :3 What with finals and SOOOOOOO much work my brain exploded! (I really shouldn't complain, schools in the U.S are shit compared to the rest)

**Music**_: Lacrymosa_**- Evanescence**

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><p><strong>Let Me Love You<strong>

_**Realization**_

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><p>~Mihael~<p>

"Mel….up….olate….breakfa….c'mon…get…..hurts." I groaned and rolled over, not having a damn clue what was being said. I hissed in pain as the motion twisted my lower half and opened my eyes, what the fuck?

Matt was kneeling over me, smiling softly, completely naked.

"Perv, would you go put some clothes on, I have a hangover from hell and I don't need your white ass-ness blinding me." I grumbled, closing my eyes and stretching a bit, "and what the hell were you trying to say?"

I opened my eyes in time to see the blood drain from his face as he pulled away from me, he stood up fully and looked at the floor, "I wanted to know if you wanted chocolate pancakes for breakfast." He muttered, voice sounding strained.

"Yeah…sounds good." I moved again and more pain shot through me, nudging it to the front of my mind as he moved to leave, "Matt, what the fuck did I do last night? My ass hurts like I got rammed."

His fingers turned white as his hand gripped the door and I could see the tear tracking its way down his cheek as he bit his lip hard, his voice shook when he answered, "I don't know Mel, I don't fucking know."

Matt wrenched the door open and slammed it hard behind him, leaving me to stare down at the blankets, my tightly controlled emotions breaking free as tears began to fall on my sheets and I curled into myself, trying to stay silent.

I knew that I'd slept with Matt, I knew exactly what happened and I've never regretted something so much in my entire life. I realized while I lay beside him almost asleep after we'd made love that it was horribly dangerous for him to be with me and I can't do that to him.

He's everything I've never been and everything I've ever wanted but….I can't put him in danger. I curled into myself further as another realization hit me, if sleeping with me put him in danger, living with me definitely did.

Oh god, I have to leave.

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><p><strong>AN: **Yeah, I had to do that :3 Oh and please note that I will be mega-updating this week, not in any order mind you, so look for new chapters :3 guys i think i have to many multichap fics up...

Review? Mebbe?


	7. Slam

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Death Note my friend Kyle would stand creepily behind L all the time and rape face at everyone.

**A/N**: Hmm, so my Mega-upload week somehow skipped over this and Shameful Metaphors..and then I didn't update ANYTHING until…well the other day *facepalm*

**Music:** _Jersey-_**Mayday Parade**

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><p><strong>Let Me Love you<strong>

_Slam_

_~Mail~_

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><p>How could I be so stupid! I slammed the door behind me, fuck breakfast I need a smoke…<p>

Well, I promised Mels chocolate pancakes so I guess I have to deliver, even if he did just find a whole new way to break me.

I shoved down my pain and headed for the kitchen, he wanted breakfast he would get breakfast. Digging through the cabinets I found everything I needed and barely avoided slamming the glass plates down like everything else.

It hurt. A lot.

Knowing that Mello would never…that he didn't know what he'd been doing. I sighed and started mixing the powder, pouring chocolate chips in.

Something seemed off though, last night…no drunk I knew would've been like he was, they wouldn't have noticed or responded how he did. I shrugged that away, Mello was many things and even I wasn't so blinded that I didn't realize he could be a major ass, but he would never hurt me like that.

I was forced to stop stirring for a moment to swipe my sleeve across my eyes, I don't cry like this damnit! Well, I used to, but Mel didn't like it…

I shook myself and finished breakfast, ignoring the pang of longing and sadness that went through me as I heard the shower start, I'd imagined showering with him enough times that just the sound of running water…

He walked into the room at the same moment I put out the plates, hair darker with water and the usual leather accentuating those sinful curves…one's that I'd been touching last night and that I would neve- "Thanks Matt."

His tone caught me off guard, he sounded miserable and I was about to ask what was wrong when I remember. Hangover. Right.

I nodded and sat down, my lips pressed together as I tried to force down some of my own food, he was eating quickly and when I raised my eyebrow at him just shrugged.

"Have to get to work quick." He shoved another bite down and turned to go, and stupid me just couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"Mel…you really don't remember what you did last night?"

He froze, rigid for a moment before shrugging and facing me again, I felt a tiny bubble of hope at the look in his eyes and stood, moving toward him, but he shattered the fragile feeling.

"No." His voice was so icy that I stopped, my eyes were wide, I knew by that tone that he did but there was so much pain and regret in his eyes that I wanted to just curl up and die.

"Mel-lo…I..I lo-" He glared at me and I shut up fast.

"I'm leaving now Matt."

I swallowed hard, "Bye." He was right in front of me suddenly, indecision in his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss my forehead, "Later." And then he was gone.

Hearing the door slam shut after him, I realized he'd had a bigger bag than usual and practically teleported to his room.

Everything was gone and I felt my heart clench painfully as I slid down the wall.

"He's not coming back."

And my world went black.

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><p><strong>AN:** Gaaaaawwwwd why do I write such cliché shit? Oh well…


	8. Leather and Lace

**Disclaimer:** Trust me I don't fucking own it.

**A/N:** Oh look an update, I feel awesome XD

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><p><strong>Let Me Love You<strong>

_Leather and Lace_

_~Mihael~_

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><p>Watching him looking at me so desperately after asking if I really didn't remember I felt my heart beat skip, and it hurt so badly that I had to lie to him. Matt didn't deserve this and before last night I would never have hurt him like this, not intentionally.<p>

Now, sitting in a dusty room at the mafia base of operations for the area I felt a mixture of pain and illness. My heart ached, the look in Matt's eyes when I'd stopped him from claiming his love for me again was all I could see when I closed my eyes.

My stomach churned riotously, this room reminded me of life without Matt, life after I left Whammy's. Contrary to popular belief I hadn't slept my way up in ranks at all, I'd gotten there by hard work and merciless killing. This room though, it made me feel like I was dirty, I'd slept with whores, tried some of the most dangerous drugs, and cried silently for hours here.

The curtains were soft black lace, the bed was covered by a large leather blanket, the underside of which was cashmere. The dressers were cold metal, a glock magazine lay on one while the gun it went to sat proudly beside the bed, loaded. Everything was designed to look elegant, but harsh at the same time a perfect reflection of who I was supposed to be.

It was so different from the room at Matt and I's shared home. There was no leather there, except for my clothes, and even then I usually wore cotton when I didn't have to work.

The only lace in my room was the scrap sewn into the quilt I had been given by my mother just before she died and my dresser was messy with movie tickets, doodles, a single precious photograph of Matt, and a crucifix.

I frowned suddenly, remembering that I had emptied out the room, shoving the scraps of mementos under a floorboard and burning the photo of Matt directly after leaving. It hurt to think I'd never go back there. Never have a real home again.

I groaned and pressed my face into the pillow I'd brought from ho-Matt's house and inhaled, it smelled strongly of him and of sex and for a moment I relax, tricking my mind into calming enough to sleep.

I whispered to myself just before exhaustion took me, "I'm not going back."


	9. Left Overs

**A/N:** _So I'm writing this to try to get back into the feel of fanfiction writing. I've been keeping it up but Im stupidly busy now. Aphrodite's Garden will be completed next and then I'll continue Whatever Remains._

**Music**:_ Alone_-**Sleeping with Sirens**

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><p><em><span>Left Overs<span>_

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><p>Waking up was slow, like usual, the last vestiges of Matt's dreams clinging desperately behind his eyes. He barely slept anymore, barely ate, barely did anything but stare listlessly into space, game, and hack. Even his gaming was half-hearted, he'd dropped his rank and was barely in the top 50 internationally anymore.<p>

In the two weeks since Mello had left Matt hadn't so much as looked at the front door, he refused to sleep in either bed and was living off toast and whatever was in the pantry still. He'd been okay last time, because he always expected Mello to come back, sure it had done terrible things to him, but he'd been okay.

Matt pulled himself off the couch slowly, shoving the rising bile caused by his dream, ignoring the lingering feeling of hands on his body. He sighed slowly, today was the day that he'd marked, finishing out the last few jobs and emptying the fridge beforehand. He let the blanket drop as he stood and with a deep breath headed toward Mello's room. He needed to see it empty, to look around and dig for anything at all that might be left, some hint that he was returning.

Today was the day Matt had marked to move, if Mello was going to return he would be back today, he'd always told Matt "Wait two weeks, after that I'm not returning." That had applied to jobs he might have to go on for his Mafia work of course, but Matt was pretty sure it still held.

Matt didn't hesitate, just pushed into the room. The emptiness still felt like a punch in the stomach and he stopped a few steps in, ignoring the ache that flared up in his chest.

He could clearly see the bareness of the floor and the dresser, the drawers dangling open and the bed stripped bare. He tugged open the closet and checked it over twice before conceding that it was as barren as the rest of the room.

He moved to the bed, which was his last hope for finding a piece of his lost love. Misery settled in fully, Matt shoved the mattress over, finding nothing more than a few scraps of dust and left over chocolate wrappers. He allowed his fingers to brush over the debris Mello had left before shoving the box springs over as well.

His heart lept to his throat as a clink sounded, signaling something falling against the frame. He looked down, Mello's rosary laying on the floor looking as crumpled as Matt felt. He slid to the floor, picking it up between his fingers an stroking it, Mello must've set it down while he was packing and it had slid behind the bed.

Matt clutched it tightly as he stood and left the room. It was a left-over of Mello's presence there.

Just like Matt.


	10. Motionless

**A/N: **I don't know if I'll ever write an actual ending to this, I may just update it forever

**Music:** Lost it All-Black Veil Brides

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><p><em>Motionless<em>

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><p>~Mihael~<p>

Draped over the arm of the flashy leather and zebra couch in the center of the base Mello stared blankly at the men in front of him. The month had worn on him far more than usual because there was no anticipation of seeing his red-head. Only the knowledge that this was life now, stretching on forever.

"Tell me again, how you managed to lose the biggest shipment of guns this year?" He said, voice dead.

The two men standing before him shifted uncomfortably, "The ship was docked in the wrong place, the cops got wind of what we were there to do and they got the cache, and Stephen." The man on the left answered and looked concerned for his life.

Ice in his tone Mello asked his final question, "And what is Stephen likely to tell them?"

This time the other man answered, "Stephen was new, he doesn't know much but he made your at home delivery, he'll tell 'em your address without a second thought."

Mello felt a ball of cold fury, Matt was in danger because of this. Mello would have to return to him because of this, he trusted no one else and for good reason it appeared.

"Get out." He snapped. One man hurried away the other paused, opening his mouth to speak.

_Bang. _Mello fired a warning shot before the man could make a sound. "I said get out." He whispered, gun pointed up and the man scurried away in terror.

**Two hours later…**

Standing at the door to what had been home a month ago Mello took a deep breath. Pain was ripping through him, he didn't know if he was prepared for the state Matt was no doubt in, for the hurt he had caused.

Having broken his promise to stay, Mello knew he had destroyed something in Matt, he only prayed it wasn't something too important. He finally knocked on the door, patience worn thin.

When there was no response he kicked in the locked door. Matt was sitting on the couch, motionless.

For a horrible moment Mello was certain he was dead, that he'd given up or worse that the police had come and shot him and left a trap for Mello. That thought was dispelled as Mello saw him clearly take a drag from a cigarette, still not moving other than to bring the cancer-stick to his lips.

"Matt?" He said, voice sounding small. Matt did not respond for a long moment, but eventually he turned a tiny bit, his goggles were not on. Dull green eyes met Mello's blue ones and Mello felt something in him crumble, he'd done this and it was bad.

Moving around the couch Mello knelt in front of Matt, it was clear that Matt hadn't moved from the spot in some time, cigarette butts littered around him and six empty cartons were on the table. "Jesus Matt, are you trying to smoke yourself to death?" He murmured. Matt said nothing.

Mello reached to touch him, uncertain. The room and the red-head smelled horrible, his hair was shiny with oil and he had clearly lost some weight, even though it had only been a month.

Mello's hands touched Matt's shoulder and finally the gamer spoke, "Mels." It was just that singular exhalation of his name but it felt like so much more to Mello. He lay his head in Matt's lap, "Mail, I'm so…I'm sorry." He whispered, wrapping his arms around Matt's waist and ignoring the way he smelled as he hugged him.

Matt touched his hair lightly, "S'alright Mel." His voice was dead. "I knew you'd come back, you forgot this." He held up the rosary, "There you go. Kept it safe for ya. You don't have to stay and talk to me or anythin'."

Mello started at Matt, it was clear he really believed that was the only reason Mello was there. He took the rosary, looked at it for a moment and flung it away. Standing he pulled Matt up with him. "The cops are coming." He shoved the red-head toward the door, "Go get on my bike Matt, please."

Mello went to Matt's bedroom and grabbed a bag, shoving the important things and some clothes in it for Matt. When he came back Matt was standing by the door and Mello had to grab him and pull him to the motorcycle. He handed the bag to Matt and made him get on the bike.

They took off, flying down streets as Mello flicked a switch and their apartment went up in flames.


	11. Undressed

**A/N: **I edited the last chapter to fix a few small mistakes. I write un-beta'd and I am sorry for that.

**Music**- _Bullet Proof Love_-Pierce the Veil

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><p><em>Undressed<em>

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><p>~Mail~<p>

I held Mello's waist loosely, the cold of the wind whipping past us only adding to the bone-deep numbness that filled me. I don't know why I never moved out of that damn apartment, I intended to, I was going to pack when I sat down on the couch. I don't know how long it was between that and Mello's arrival.

The ride was fast, my state of mind lending itself to the blur of traffic. Around us the city fell away and I swallowed hard, too aware of Mello's presence. I had shut down a lot but still was always aware of him, of this golden beauty.

We arrived at the base, the sound of the sirens answering the fire had been lost to us almost before we heard it so there was no fear we had been followed. Mello was off the bike before my body had fully registered the stop, the bag he'd pack was in his hand and he was staring at me.

"Matt, c'mon you _have _to shower." He tugged my arm and I went with him willingly enough, certain that he was right about that.

He lead me through a maze of rooms that I had never seen, having only stopped by the base once, to a bedroom that I barely got a glance at. It was a wreck, metal, lace, and leather thrown around, the bed had rips in the actual mattress and it was clear someone tortured lived here.

The door to the large bathroom had gunshot holes straight through it and I was motivated to tilt my head at them, Mello did not comment. He pushed me under the spray of the shower a few moments later, not bothering to let me undress.

He stripped bare in a few seconds, I could only stand and watch him in confusion as the water soaked my clothes and beat against my skin, washing away weeks of grime.

Without a word he tugged my pants down and I hissed. Mello did not pause before tearing my shirt of and gently lifting my goggles, setting them all aside. He stepped into the shower behind me and closed the door, heedless of how much water he had already allowed to spill out.

I stared at him and him at me. His blue eyes were reddened, looking at him properly I realized he looked like he'd been through the ringer. He stepped closer to me, lightly touching the blood-dried cuts that marred my hips.

We never broke eye contact as he ran his hands over my body, washing away what was there. Finally I found my voice fully.

"Mel, why did you go, why did you lie?" I asked, my voice scratching up from wherever it had buried itself.


	12. Washed Away

**A/N:** This just kept going with the angst and I realized that was not my intention when I started this 3 years ago. So there's that.

**Music: **_Through the Looking Glass_**-Sleepwave**

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><p><em>Washed Away<em>

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><p><strong>~Mihael~<strong>

I watched the water pour off of Matt's skin, the grime and oils of his catatonic time on the couch washing away. Running my hands softly over the pale skin on his stomach I found my voice to answer him.

"I thought I was protecting you Mattie. I realized too late that sleeping with me would put you in danger. I let myself think too much and decided that living with me put you in even more danger than sleeping with me did. What if someone came to kill me? What if they planted a bomb? What if the police came to arrest me? They'd find you. "

I trailed my hands over his shoulders, rubbing away the filth I found there. He was silent as he looked at me and I continued, "I don't know what I would do if you were hurt or killed because of me. I decided to leave to protect both of us from that possibility. It was a mistake, I don't know how to function without you anymore Mail."

At this he finally responded, "Exactly. We can't be apart any more Mello, I thought you realized that. Love me or not, we are part of a whole."

I smiled, somewhat sadly and finished cleaning him off to the best of my abilities, silence pervading for a while. Once I was finished I slowly rubbed my fingers through his hair, loosening it.

He handed me the shampoo and I squeezed a decent amount into my hand, working it too a lather in his lovely auburn hair. Matt leaning into my touch was a welcome feeling and sight.

I coaxed him to tip back his head, letting the water wash the soap from my hands, strands of his hair sliding through my fingers. His eyes were closed, he was enjoying it and I watched him closely as the soap was rinsed away.

I didn't want to stop touching him when I was finished, he righted himself and I trailed my fingers along his cheek, the water had started to prune them, but I didn't mind. He leaned into my hand, opening his lovely green eyes to look at me. "Mels, I forgive you." He said softly, turning to press a kiss to my palm and I was lost to him.

Completely.


End file.
